Does Your BFF’s 911 Call For Backup Trump Your Sister's?
The immediate, and politically correct answer to whether your BFF's call for backup trumps your sister's is NO absolutely not, but in my case, my BFF’s call kind of did, and I feel slightly bad about it.
Let me set up the situation so you don’t think I am the devil sister. Andrew has been my friend since I was sixteen years old, we have been there and back again, twice over for one another. He has stood by me through break ups, breakdowns, my boyfriends suicide years back, job changes, launching my business, he’s taken part in my dreams, my escapades (both legal and illegal) and also my loves and my successes. He has been my solid rock of everything. Oh, did I mention he is also my stylist? He will actually come to my house to help me decide which outfit I look hotter in and he will love every minute of it. NO he’s not gay.
And I have also been there for him. I’ve seen him through some big moves, a few breakdowns, eight prefab houses he has built ground up, random drama, and loads of good times. I love his ex wife, not so much his ex girlfriend. And he’s in a custody case that rivals any you have ever heard of or seen on TV or any film. I have also shared his loves, successes, trials and tribulations. His stuff sometimes can trump even the most drama-ridden celebrity on the cover of OK! Mag on any week and he’s my guy BFF.
My BFF's my 'Person!'
As aunts we all know it truly takes a village to raise a kid, and in our beach adjacent neighborhood here in LA we do just that. There’s about four of us “single people” within our “tribe” and a couple with kids and then there’s Andrew who is single dad of two. I see Andrew and his kids almost every other day, we have dinners, help with homework, either at his or my house, we all surf together, do errands, and help each other just make the day to day things more manageable. We are each other’s “person.”
When I go out of town, and that is quite often and not just to San Francisco, but to Thailand for a month or Shanghai or Mexico, it’s Andrew who helps me with my dog Princess, from checking in on her to schlepping her to the vet or meeting the cable guy who needs to figure out why my TIVO is down in the middle of the day. It’s Andrew goes to my mailbox when I send a panic email that my bank account has taken a dive and can he please rush over to see if there’s a check in the mail—oh and could you please hurry and go deposit it before 6pm today? He is that person and he does all of this with pure joy and love even when he has four court dates in a week, plus three land inspections, has to grab a kid from school and take the other to his mom's ...and he never ever asks me for ANYTHING. He has saved my ass more times than I can count. Come to think of it I should totally feel way guiltier than I already do.
My sister's my 'person' too!
Of course, my sister has been through all the things that Andrew has with me, as well with me as well as our fabulous and not so fabulous moments of childhood— and nothing trumps that does it!? She is my “person” we share everything, we call each other 4 times a day sometimes, and spew even the stuff you’d rather not hear. We are the poster children for TMI (too much information) we totally cross the line and laugh all the back across to the other side. She is my constant entertainment and also my best example of how hard motherhood is and maybe even my dose of real life birth control.
My sister lives about 15 miles away, without traffic in Los Angeles it takes maybe 20 minutes with traffic an hour or more. It’s a bummer. We don’t live close enough to have that spontaneous daily thing so we make up for it by phone and visits. It bums us out but it’s the way it is.
This afternoon Andrew called me really sick, needing a favor. Firstly, he is never sick and secondly he never ever asks for anything at all ever. It was his son Maxwell’s last basketball game for the season, I had already promised Maxwell I was going to the game. Andrew asked if I could pick up Maxwell from his mom who is about 20 minutes away, around 6pm and bring him to his game, done! I was delighted that he actually reached out to me that I was ecstatic to be of service to him when he was in such need. I knew he really must be so sick because he didn’t fight me on this. The plan was set. I was being BFF.
Being the Super Auntie
Moments later, my sister calls in that super short, to the point and serious mommy voice “I need your help. Our babysitter didn’t show up, I’m at work and I need you to go pick up the kids at Denny’s work. ” I asked what happened, told her that I already was set to help Andrew who was sick and tried to help her find a solution... she got frustrated and said abruptly and irritated “never mind” and hung up on me.
I felt pretty bad. I wanted to help her and I also wanted to help Andrew. It was a very crappy position to be in and there I was wondering should I be super BFF or Super Auntie and sister?
I text her back and said “if I can grab the kids before 6pm I can help you but I need to have Maxwell at his game by 7pm...let me know. I never heard from her.
I told myself, yes, family comes first , but in this case, I had already committed to helping Andrew out and could not complicate or risk not coming through. That isn’t how I operate.
BFF's 911
I have to report that in this case, the truth is my BFF’s emergency call in fact trumped my sister's and I’m still feeling not so great about it.
I feel really guilty and stressed for my sister when she has these emergencies, but I also know that I can’t be a superhero and be in both places, rescuing both parties at once.
I chalk this one as being just another item that is going on my “When I Am A Mom.....” list. And yes, I know, when I’m there I’ll hang up on her too.